i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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