I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize