Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize