Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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