it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize