Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He has the fingertips of a God
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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