so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize