so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Who died my cat blue again?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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