I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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