my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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