In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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