Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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