So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize