You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize