Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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