he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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