I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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