I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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