Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
smell my finger.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize