I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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