Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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