If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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