When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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