I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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