I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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