I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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