I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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