He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize