Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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