I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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