if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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