if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize