If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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