Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
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i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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