I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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