the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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