He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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