That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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