I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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