i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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