if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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