if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize