I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize