I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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