just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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