Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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