1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
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I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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