i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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