woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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