Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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